So, for some time now, I have wanted to say a few things about child support. Didn't know if I should rant on FB (I am not a twitter user), or post a blog. Obliviously, I decided to go with the blog, just because I wanted to make sure my thoughts came across clear.
Let me start by saying this is NOT to bash anyone, but to offer a different perspective. I hear so many men (and some women) talk negatively about child support and the women who receive it, and honestly, I think it is nonsense. So, hear we go...
A note, I will refer to parents as custodial and non-custodial, because I realize that although we are always talking about women who receive child support, the reverse could be true.
A little background. I am a mother of 2, and my children have different dads. 1 pays child support, the other does not. I do not believe that all non-custodial parents should be on court ordered support. If you are responsible enough to give the custodial parent, a set amount (20% in Illinois) of money at a set time then by all means, do that...I also do not believe all non custodial parents should pay child support, and here is where it gets tricky...
If you are a non-custodial parent who has your child at least half the month, and during that time you are fully responsible for their care meaning, food, clothes, shelter, drop offs, pick ups, doctors visits, leaving work early to get a sick child, attending school events, covering the care of the child when you have something to do, etc...not having to call the custodial parent except for emergency...then I will give you a pass, because you all are literally splitting the care, and your load is pretty equal...
But, if you are a weekend or every other weekend parent, then you shouldn't really complain about paying child support, and here are my thoughts on why...RAISING CHILDREN IS A 24/7 JOB! Most custodial parents, are always on the clock....here is a run down of my day, juggling two kids
Wake up
Make Breakfast (who paid for that food?)
Wake kids Up
Make sure kids are clean (who paid for that hot water?)
Travel to drop kids off at school (who paid for that gas)
WORK
Leave work to get kids (I had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate my sons school schedule, because after school programs are not cheap!)
Pick up kid 1 at 3:30pm
Pick up kid 2 at 6pm
Travel home
Make dinner
Help with homework
Prep for the next day....
Bed (listen to complaining about bedtime)
Get up and do it again the next day....
I am responsible for rent, lights, gas, food, gas for car, insurance (car, renters, life, medical, dental, and vision, non of which is free) and all other things that "pop up"...you know the field trip they tell you about morning of, which needs money and spending money, or the movies with friends that was planned last night. Also, this list does not include all the scheduling of appointment's, parent teacher conferences, calls from the school when the kid acts up, kids waking up sick and having to adjust the whole day...the mental labor...I mean the list goes on and on and on.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are non-custodial parents out there who step up and do A LOT, but honestly, you should be doing it, and I am not willing to pat you on the back for being a parent!
If you are not showing up to your kids home at least 3 days out of the week with breakfast in hand, and telling the custodial parent you are there to get the kid ready, and handle ALL the responsibilities for the day, or if your kid isn't coming to your house at least half the month WITHOUT A BAG (because your kids should not need to pack to visit you), then you need to be paying child support! Weekends and gym shoes ain't cutting it!
Lastly, if the non-custodial parent uses some of the money that has been given to do something for themselves, and your kid has not gone without what they need to survive, that just means they are responsible and they take care of the kids with the GUARANTEED money they know is coming in the house. Anything can happen with child support, I recently didn't get what I was supposed to get for a month, but my house had to keep running...
Oh, and let me clearly state, I do not agree with not allowing a child to see the other parent because of money or the lack thereof! Children need their parents, period!
So, in conclusion, I just want y'all to think more deeply into what it takes to raise and care for children. It isn't easy but for the sake of the children, let's try to make it as smooth as possible. 💜
Let me start by saying this is NOT to bash anyone, but to offer a different perspective. I hear so many men (and some women) talk negatively about child support and the women who receive it, and honestly, I think it is nonsense. So, hear we go...
A note, I will refer to parents as custodial and non-custodial, because I realize that although we are always talking about women who receive child support, the reverse could be true.
A little background. I am a mother of 2, and my children have different dads. 1 pays child support, the other does not. I do not believe that all non-custodial parents should be on court ordered support. If you are responsible enough to give the custodial parent, a set amount (20% in Illinois) of money at a set time then by all means, do that...I also do not believe all non custodial parents should pay child support, and here is where it gets tricky...
If you are a non-custodial parent who has your child at least half the month, and during that time you are fully responsible for their care meaning, food, clothes, shelter, drop offs, pick ups, doctors visits, leaving work early to get a sick child, attending school events, covering the care of the child when you have something to do, etc...not having to call the custodial parent except for emergency...then I will give you a pass, because you all are literally splitting the care, and your load is pretty equal...
But, if you are a weekend or every other weekend parent, then you shouldn't really complain about paying child support, and here are my thoughts on why...RAISING CHILDREN IS A 24/7 JOB! Most custodial parents, are always on the clock....here is a run down of my day, juggling two kids
Wake up
Make Breakfast (who paid for that food?)
Wake kids Up
Make sure kids are clean (who paid for that hot water?)
Travel to drop kids off at school (who paid for that gas)
WORK
Leave work to get kids (I had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate my sons school schedule, because after school programs are not cheap!)
Pick up kid 1 at 3:30pm
Pick up kid 2 at 6pm
Travel home
Make dinner
Help with homework
Prep for the next day....
Bed (listen to complaining about bedtime)
Get up and do it again the next day....
I am responsible for rent, lights, gas, food, gas for car, insurance (car, renters, life, medical, dental, and vision, non of which is free) and all other things that "pop up"...you know the field trip they tell you about morning of, which needs money and spending money, or the movies with friends that was planned last night. Also, this list does not include all the scheduling of appointment's, parent teacher conferences, calls from the school when the kid acts up, kids waking up sick and having to adjust the whole day...the mental labor...I mean the list goes on and on and on.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are non-custodial parents out there who step up and do A LOT, but honestly, you should be doing it, and I am not willing to pat you on the back for being a parent!
If you are not showing up to your kids home at least 3 days out of the week with breakfast in hand, and telling the custodial parent you are there to get the kid ready, and handle ALL the responsibilities for the day, or if your kid isn't coming to your house at least half the month WITHOUT A BAG (because your kids should not need to pack to visit you), then you need to be paying child support! Weekends and gym shoes ain't cutting it!
Lastly, if the non-custodial parent uses some of the money that has been given to do something for themselves, and your kid has not gone without what they need to survive, that just means they are responsible and they take care of the kids with the GUARANTEED money they know is coming in the house. Anything can happen with child support, I recently didn't get what I was supposed to get for a month, but my house had to keep running...
Oh, and let me clearly state, I do not agree with not allowing a child to see the other parent because of money or the lack thereof! Children need their parents, period!
So, in conclusion, I just want y'all to think more deeply into what it takes to raise and care for children. It isn't easy but for the sake of the children, let's try to make it as smooth as possible. 💜
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