I
am a mom.
I am a single mom.
I am a single divorced mom.
I am a single divorced mom of two boys.
A couple of days ago the boys and I were on our morning commute. We get to a red light and I noticed a mom and about five kids on the bus stop. I could tell they were all with her because of the way the girl’s hair was combed; they all had very similar braided hairstyles, and all the kids were shining like new money. One little girl looked very sad, so sad that it was noticeable. I told my boys, "I hate to see children look so sad", to which Jacob, my 8yr old replies, "Unless it's your own children". A little taken a back, I asked him why he would think I would want my children to be sad. He begin to describe times in which I have had to discipline him, all which he thought were unfair and unjust, with my most recent offense being not allowing him to bring a change of clothes for after school. I mean, he does not do my laundry, and two outfits a day ain't happening in my house if it is not a necessity, anyway, I digress.
This interaction with Jacob got me to think about my role as mother. I looked up the definition of the word mother. One definition is a verb, and it states bring up (a child) with care and affection, which took me to the thought of nurturer. Mothers are generally thought to be the softer parent. The one who kisses the boo boos, gives the hugs, and makes everything better.
Jacob does not always have the opportunity to see me in that light, a lot of time I am disciplinarian. As a single divorced mom of two boys, I am also the primary care giver for my children, which means, for the most part I am doing majority of the disciplining. When my children visit their fathers, they usually partake in the fun things, trips to amusement parks, movies, the mall, video games, and then it is back home to mommy for school, homework, eating home cooked meals, and strict bedtimes. (Before I move forward, I should say I take joy in knowing that I provide structure for my children, and this post is not a pity party.)
What I realized is that there has been a role reversal of sorts. With no man being in my home, and with my refusal to use "I'm going to call your father" to threaten my children or get them to behave differently, for this season, I have become more disciplinarian than nurturer. What I've learned through this is balance is important. However, I am still working on the right ratio.
Through this journey, I can only hope that as my boys (mainly Jacob) continue to grow, they will understand. I hope they will understand my desire to raise Men, not boys. I hope they will understand why mommy said no, and stood firm on her no. My hope is that when they become men, they will see how my structure and often time stern nature helped shaped them into the men they are.
Until then, I will continue to travel the murky waters of nurturer and disciplinarian.
~Lauren
I am a single mom.
I am a single divorced mom.
I am a single divorced mom of two boys.
A couple of days ago the boys and I were on our morning commute. We get to a red light and I noticed a mom and about five kids on the bus stop. I could tell they were all with her because of the way the girl’s hair was combed; they all had very similar braided hairstyles, and all the kids were shining like new money. One little girl looked very sad, so sad that it was noticeable. I told my boys, "I hate to see children look so sad", to which Jacob, my 8yr old replies, "Unless it's your own children". A little taken a back, I asked him why he would think I would want my children to be sad. He begin to describe times in which I have had to discipline him, all which he thought were unfair and unjust, with my most recent offense being not allowing him to bring a change of clothes for after school. I mean, he does not do my laundry, and two outfits a day ain't happening in my house if it is not a necessity, anyway, I digress.
This interaction with Jacob got me to think about my role as mother. I looked up the definition of the word mother. One definition is a verb, and it states bring up (a child) with care and affection, which took me to the thought of nurturer. Mothers are generally thought to be the softer parent. The one who kisses the boo boos, gives the hugs, and makes everything better.
Jacob does not always have the opportunity to see me in that light, a lot of time I am disciplinarian. As a single divorced mom of two boys, I am also the primary care giver for my children, which means, for the most part I am doing majority of the disciplining. When my children visit their fathers, they usually partake in the fun things, trips to amusement parks, movies, the mall, video games, and then it is back home to mommy for school, homework, eating home cooked meals, and strict bedtimes. (Before I move forward, I should say I take joy in knowing that I provide structure for my children, and this post is not a pity party.)
What I realized is that there has been a role reversal of sorts. With no man being in my home, and with my refusal to use "I'm going to call your father" to threaten my children or get them to behave differently, for this season, I have become more disciplinarian than nurturer. What I've learned through this is balance is important. However, I am still working on the right ratio.
Through this journey, I can only hope that as my boys (mainly Jacob) continue to grow, they will understand. I hope they will understand my desire to raise Men, not boys. I hope they will understand why mommy said no, and stood firm on her no. My hope is that when they become men, they will see how my structure and often time stern nature helped shaped them into the men they are.
Until then, I will continue to travel the murky waters of nurturer and disciplinarian.
~Lauren
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